From Childhood Darkness to Adult Fears: The impact of childhood experiences on adult anxiety.
Which fears in your adult life, if any, do you think relates back to your childhood?
Could you still be overcoming fears from childhood trauma?
In my case, I have found as an adult that I have quite a collection of fears and I have realised that most of them originated in my childhood. My collection of fears includes fear of darkness, fear of heights, fear of speed, fear of swimming in deep water, fear of not being safe and fear of big dogs. I feel that I have no control in these situations. I can’t keep myself safe.
But fear shows up in many unexpected ways. I have often wondered why I can’t see films with a story in which children are being neglected or abandoned and are unprotected. The feeling just resonates deep inside me, I feel so much empathy for the children in the film that I feel as if it happens to me, as if it’s me in the film.
My most dominant fear is the fear of darkness. Still as an adult I fear being alone in the dark. It feels like a scary companion holding me in a strong grip. I’m all tense and alert.
My little collection of fears also includes the fear of not being in a safe place or feeling uneasy with the atmosphere of a place. I soon go into fight or flight mode, and I often have to stop myself from actually fleeing the place. The trick here is to actually stay where you are, take slow, deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth to let it all go. After a few minutes you will feel that the blood is no longer rushing to your head, and you will have calmed down. That’s a better way to decide what to do in the situation, which caused the anxiety to start with.
Perhaps the underlying fears go deeper. Perhaps the need for protection, safety, guidance, and affection are the root cause of these fears. These basic ingredients were missing in my childhood and as a young adult. It’s likely that I developed these fears back then. They have become part of my behaviour as an adult, even now when I feel protected and safe, and I have guidance and affection in my life.
Coming back to why I can’t see films with children being neglected or unprotected; I think it has to do with the fears I developed in my childhood, I can feel the feelings of the hurt children if they are abandoned or lost a parent or if they are treated as insignificant and unheard, and with no say about their own life. I think it takes me straight back to the dark days in my childhood and teenage years and triggers these feelings of being fearful and unsafe. That makes it too hard to see these films. I can be sitting in a room full of other adults, they can all watch the film, all except me. It has taken me many years to understand – why can’t I?
What can you do to help yourself overcome a fear, or at least find a way of coping with the fear.
To start with, calm your mind by coming back to the present moment. Notice your thoughts, your feelings and the room you are in this very moment. Find a comfortable place to sit down and start taking deep slow breaths. Breathe in through your nose to the count of 2 and breathe out through your mouth to the count of 4. Open your lips a bit when you breathe out, as you do when you blow out a candle. Do 10 breaths like this and feel yourself become calmer. You can do this breathing exercise anywhere, even in the middle of a busy street, and it will help you relax.
Think about changing your mindset about your fear. In my case, I’m trying to change my thoughts about darkness. I tell myself that all the sounds I hear are normal sounds of a creaking floor or the central heating. I tell myself that I am safe and in control of the situation. All the doors are locked and there are people living all around me.
I listen to guided meditations. That always calms me down and puts me in a very relaxed mood. A lot of the times I fall asleep. My night vision is not fantastic, so for me it’s also a fear of not being able to see enough in the dark. It makes me feel vulnerable.
These mindful and relaxing exercises have helped me reduce my fear of darkness. I don’t panic about it as much anymore and can cope with the darkness.
Do you have fears that are likely to originate in your childhood? How and in which situations do they show up? How do you cope with these fears?
Overcome your fears rooted in past experiences for a brighter future.
I would love to read your comments below.
Sarah