We hear the word “self-care” all the time, but what does it really mean? It’s more than bubble baths and spa days (though, who doesn’t love those?). Real self-care is about creating a life where your needs are met, your energy is protected, and your mental and emotional well-being is important.
Crossing boundaries – why it hurts.
Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling unusually angry and upset? I have felt like that sometimes. I used to wonder “Why was I so upset by what they said? Perhaps, I was in a moment of growth, perhaps it was time for me to stand up for myself.
What can we do in these moments? It all begins with self-awareness. For me, that meant that I had to learn to express my feelings more clearly, put words on my feelings, and then have the courage to talk about my feelings.
Growing up with a father who wasn’t very happy and easily got angry, I had learnt not to express my feelings unless I agreed with him. I had very little experience in discussing the pros and cons of a given situation or action. I always tried to understand but I never felt understood. As a consequence, I became a rather introvert and shy girl, to the point where other people knew very little about me, this included my friends.
Setting healthy boundaries in your life is self-care in action.
One of the most impactful ways to practice self-care is by setting healthy boundaries. Boundaries are the invisible lines that help you define where you end, and others begin.
When you say “no” to things that drain you, you’re actually saying “yes” to yourself. It’s about knowing your limits and having the courage to protect them. Whether it’s with your friends, family, at work, or even with yourself, boundaries keep you grounded and balanced. It’s about understanding yourself and making sure other people understand you.
Think of boundaries like your personal power shield. They don’t block out love or connection, but they keep out the things that use up your energy and joy. Without boundaries, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, burnt out, and even resentful. But with healthy boundaries in place, you create more room for growth, joy, and the things that truly matter to you.
Let go of people-pleasing and the need to make people happy all the time.
Practicing self-care through boundaries also means letting go of the need to make everyone else happy all the time. It’s okay if some people aren’t thrilled when you say “no.” In fact, prioritizing yourself can be one of the most empowering things you can do. You can’t give your best to other people when you’re running on empty. By refilling your own cup first, you’ll actually be more present and available for the people who need you most.
Defining and establishing your boundaries can be difficult, especially if you’re used to putting everyone else first. But the beautiful thing about self-care is that it’s a practice—it’s something you can build up little by little. Start small. Maybe it’s saying “no” to a task that doesn’t align with your priorities or carving out just 10 minutes for yourself each day. Every time you choose to honour your needs, you’re strengthening your sense of self-worth.
Your boundaries matter – honour them, and other people will too.
Boundaries are a way of saying, “I matter, and my needs are important.” It’s about standing up for your needs and rights in a way that is firm, but fair. Be clear, and don’t be afraid to say “no” when it’s necessary.
So, the next time you find yourself hesitating to set a boundary, remember, self-care isn’t selfish—it’s essential. Protect your energy, honour your needs, and watch as your life changes in a positive way.
Respect begins with clarity, both in understanding yourself and making sure other people understand you. Assertiveness, without being aggressive, is key to gaining respect. It’s about being heard without needing to raise your voice.
Wishing you peace and balance,
Sarah