Have you ever noticed how people sometimes confuse empathy with pity? When we’re going through a challenging time, we might hear well-meaning but off-putting comments like, “Oh, poor you” or “You’ll be fine.” While these words are intended to comfort, they often brush past the depth of what we’re experiencing and leave us feeling misunderstood.
My Own Encounter with Pity
When my mother passed away, I experienced a tide of pity.
People who’d never spoken to me before suddenly felt compelled to say something to me. Their words were always well-meaning; but it was the looks—the pity in their eyes—that made me feel a strange sense of shame. Their pity reminded me of how different I was, and felt, from everyone else and it made me realise that something dramatic had happened to me. In fact, it turned out that something profoundly life-changing had happened to me. But I didn’t understand the consequences of it.
The Empty Feeling of a Future Unknown
I remember staring into what felt like a big, dark hole—my future. Losing someone so close had left me unable to visualize what lay ahead. There were no comforting images or ideas to hold onto, just an emptiness I didn’t know how to fill.
Choosing Empathy Over Pity: How We Can Truly Support Others
Over time, I’ve learned that true support goes beyond pity. Real support is rooted in empathy—it’s about being present and making a connection with the person who’s struggling. Rather than saying, “Oh, poor you”, empathy means saying, “I’m here for you”, “Take all the time you need.”
The Difference Empathy Makes
Pity has a way of making us feel small, as though our struggles define us. Empathy, on the other hand, makes us feel seen, heard, and supported. It lets us know we’re not alone and encourages us to move through our pain at our own pace.
The Bottom Line: Show Up with Empathy
The next time someone in your life is going through a difficult time, remember this: it’s not about having the perfect words to say. It’s about showing up with empathy, being present, and letting them know you’re there for them without judgment. A small shift from pity to empathy can make all the difference in the world.
Wishing you peace and balance,
Sarah