A parent who passed away when you were a child, can be tricky to remember as a real person – you don’t remember the voice. Was it just a dream?
The power of old family photos, unlocking memories and connecting with a lost parent can be very transformative. It can help you find out more about yourself, your family and your background.
Have you ever wondered how your family lived before you were born? Have you asked yourself questions such as: Where did they come from and how did they live? What were they like as children and as young adults?
I have been asking myself these questions for many years. Most of my life I have known very little about my background. It was part of that big empty gap inside me, not knowing much about my parents and their families, and basically not knowing much about my own childhood. I especially didn’t know much about my mother as she passed away very early in my life. That was the biggest empty space in my soul.
One day, just a few weeks ago, I receive a box full of old family photos from my childhood. Some photos are even from the years before I am born.
These old photos from home complete the puzzle of my life. Seeing real pictures of my mother with me is a miracle. She did exist. I didn’t just dream it. It is a wonderful experience. I did have a mother and more family. I can see my mother smile, have fun, laugh with her friends. I can see how she looked and how much I look like her and my sister. I keep looking at her. And at me next to her. Me together with her. I love it. I don’t feel so abandoned now. It fills me with warmth from the inside. I did have a family.
Hours and days later – I can’t get enough of it. It’s like “wow, I did have a mother”. She was real and I was doing well. I was a completely normal, little girl. On the photos I see my mother in different situations. She laughs a lot on the photos, and I do remember telling her that she laughed too loudly. What wouldn’t I do to hear her laugh loudly again.
I have, since I was 11, only seen one and the same picture of her. It was taken when she and my sister were in Sweden during the second World War. She looks so sad and serious on that photo. Now I finally have photos where she smiles and has fun. I can see more of her personality. I, of course, think that she’s pretty and has a beautiful smile on the photos.
I spend many hours looking at these photos. What I am searching for is more information about myself. I still want to get to know myself even better. I’m looking for answers to my questions. For me to feel more complete, I want to know more about my mother’s personality, what she looked like, how she dressed, what she liked to do.
Above all, I need to see a photo with my mother and me together. It’s like a strong craving for a visual proof of me and her being together. It’s a confirmation that I did have a mother, I didn’t just dream it. Almost symbolically, there’s a thin white line between us on the photo. The photo has been bent in the middle. It reminds me of my separation from her. Perhaps I can edit away the line.
The whole experience of looking at these old, black-and-white photos has transformed my life. I now have a background; I can talk about my childhood in a more complete way – and I feel more complete as a person. I have experienced a real transformation.
Is this something you recognise? Have you ever had this or a similar experience?
Reply with a “Yes” if you know what it feels like to find it difficult to picture your mother or father as a real person, if they passed away when you were a child.
Later on in life, as an adult, it can sometimes feel like an illusion to have had them.
I would love to see your comments below.
Sarah